


The Thot And The Farmboy

by XylophoneCat



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alpacas, Alternate Universe - Farm/Ranch, M/M, Meet-Cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 05:02:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13943166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XylophoneCat/pseuds/XylophoneCat
Summary: “Fucking alpacas!” Tyler yelled delightedly. An entire field of them to be exact. Although none of them were, in that moment, fucking. “Or llamas or some shit. Look how cute they are!”Jamie runs an alpaca farm. Tyler is thirsty.





	The Thot And The Farmboy

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a friend on tumblr. This is very, very silly.
> 
> I know very little about Texas, Alpacas, or farms, so please don't @ me.

“Jason, holy fuck, stop the car!”

“What's wrong, what have you done?” Jason practically yelled, bringing the car to not quite a screeching halt, but certainly a sharp stop.

Tyler scoffed. “I haven't done anything, why do you always think I've done something?”

“Because normally you have,” Devin piped up on his right. And then swore when Tyler punched him in the shoulder. “What? It's true.”

But Tyler wasn't listening, and instead had scrambled out of the car to get a better look.

“Fucking alpacas!” he yelled delightedly. An entire field of them to be exact. Although none of them were, in that moment, fucking. “Or llamas or some shit. Look how cute they are!”

“You made me do an emergency stop for alpacas?” Jason called after him. “Don't touch the fence, it's probably electrified,” Tyler heard him add, and then John’s fainter, “No, let him learn from experience.”

“You just want to see him electrocute himself.”

“Maybe.”

Tyler didn't touch the fence, but he did lean in as close as possible. Even then, the alpacas were too far away, and Tyler felt the distance deep in his soul. He turned back to the car and his bemused looking friends.

“I want an alpaca. Or at least to pet an alpaca.”

“What about SeaWorld?” Devin said.

“Fuck SeaWorld, I wanna feel up an alpaca. Or possibly llama. Besides we've seen the killer whales like, ten times already.”

“But you love the killer whales,” Jason said. Tyler shrugged.

“Who doesn't? They kill shit. But my point is, I've seen them like, ten times. I've never met a llama before.”

Jason and John exchanged a look that spoke volumes. It was the look of two men who, if they _were_ paid to deal with this shit, would take a suspicious amount of sick days.

“Pretty please?” Tyler simpered. In the back seat, Devin snorted with laughter.

“It won't be too much of a detour,” John said to Jason, and Tyler pumped a fist when Jason sighed and got back behind the wheel.

“Sure, whatever.”

The entrance to the farm was only five minutes out of their way, but it was enough time for Devin to start working on worst case scenarios.

“What if he has a gun?” He said, and Tyler gave him a look he reserved for idiots, and Jason when he was lecturing him.

“Devin. We're in Texas,” he said.

“Yeah, but what if he shoots us?”

“Devin, you're not a coyote, I think you'll be fine,” Jason said, eyeing them both in the rear view mirror. Tyler pulled a face at him, and he rolled his eyes.

The entrance to the farm, peeling off to the right, was a dirt track, much like all the other tracks so far out in the country. A wooden board hooked over the wire fence heralded the place as ‘Benn Brothers & Co.’. A produce stand was set up by the side of the road, besides which, sat in a battered looking deck chair, was a man. Jason pulled the car to a stop. Devin nudged Tyler and pointed at the man's gun.

“You're still not a coyote,” Tyler said, leaning over him to wind down the window. “Hey, man!” He called. “Whatcha selling?”

“Got strawberries, sunflowers, sunflower seeds, and honey,” the guy said, making no move to get up. He was dressed in denim overalls, the arms tied around his waist, and a green and black plaid shirt. His red beard looked like something birds would build their nests in, and Tyler had a real itching to shave it off him. The end of the man's nose had turned pink in the high Texas sun, his hat brim not quite wide enough to provide ample coverage.

“No alpacas?” Devin asked, but from the interest with which he was staring at the stand, looked like he'd settle for a punnet of strawberries. They looked really good too, deep pink-red and juicy looking.

“You want alpacas, you'll have to go up to the farm proper,” the man said. “Although you don't seem like the sort to be in the market for 'em.”

“We're just looking,” Jason cut in, quickly shutting down the spark in Tyler's eyes. “We don't want to waste your time.”

“Nah,” the man said, and then turned and hawked a gob of spit over his shoulder. “Jamie should be around, you can waste his time. I'll let him know you're on your way. He can get Celeste out of her pen for you.”

“Sick, thank you!” Tyler said as Jason pulled away. 

They came to a final stop in a dusty driveway. The farm buildings around them were dusty too, and the whole place smelt strongly of manure.

“I don't know what you were expecting,” John said when Tyler wrinkled his nose at the stench. “It’s a farm. Farms smell like shit.”

“But it's nasty,” Tyler grimaced.

“Don't let Celeste here you say that,” said a voice behind them. “She's sensitive.”

Tyler turned to the newcomer, and immediately had to resist the urge to fall to his knees and thank whichever deity had seen fit to bring him what had to be over two hundred pounds of prime beef steak. He didn't know what he had been expecting, but it had certainly run along the lines of another bearded cryptid like out front. Not this dark haired, doe eyed mountain of a man. Jesus fucking Christ on a pogo stick, he was hot.

Tyler quickly plastered on his most charming smile, and stuck out his hand. “Hey, I'm Tyler.”

“Uh, Jamie,” the guy said, enveloping Tyler's hand in his own massive paw. He had a deep, slow voice that Tyler just wanted to melt into. “And this is Celeste. Jordie said you guys wanted to meet her?”

Tyler hadn't even noticed the alpaca, stood quietly chewing cud where it was tied to a fence. It's eyes weren't as big or as pretty as Jamie's, but it sure was cute. It looked like a little old lady in a fluffy hat.

“Oh man, it's adorable,” Devin gasped as he spotted it. “Can we pet it?”

“Sure, she's used to it,” Jamie said easily. “She'll let you know when she wants you to back off.”

Tyler's friends were soon crowded around the poor alpaca, exclaiming how soft it's coat was. Even John was getting in on the alpaca action. Tyler took the opportunity to get some flirting in. He sidled up to where Jamie was leaning against the fence.

“You must get a lot of people wanting to look at the alpacas, huh?” Which admittedly wasn't the best opening line, but it was topical. Jamie nodded.

“We get a lot of school parties. We show them the alpacas, where we process the wool, stuff like that. It's cool.”

So, good with kids. Good to note. And no, Tyler wasn't already planning his and farm boy's life together, okay? He was just, you know, figuring it out.

“So, uh, you do a lot of heavy lifting out here? On your farm?”

Jamie side eyed him. “I guess? I mean, we have to lift the feed bags, and the hay bales too. But it's part Jordie’s farm too.”

“Uh huh?” Tyler nodded. He kept smiling in the way that Jason said made him look like a vapid bimbo, but that Tyler had found never failed to get him laid when he wanted to. “That's really awesome. I mean, I was just asking cus you're built as fuck, dude. That's all muscle, right?”

He laid a hand against Jamie's bicep, thrilled when he wasn't shrugged off and shit, yeah, that was solid muscle. When he looked back at Jamie, he was flushed bright red. 

“Well yeah, it's a pretty intense workout sometimes. Like, you're up at four AM and it's pretty much non stop from there.”

“Guess you must have a lot of stamina, then.”

“Sure,” Jamie said slowly, drawing out the word. He had the look of a man coming to a slow dawning realisation, and Tyler just tilted his head and smiled wider. “I'm sorry, are you-”

“Tyler, will you stop flirting and come pet this fucking alpaca?” John interrupted them from the fence. “We could be halfway to SeaWorld right now, but no.”

“Hey, can we watch the language around Celeste, please?” Jamie said sharply. “She works with kids and we don't want her picking up any bad habits.”

There was a moment of stunned silence, before Jamie's face split into a blinding grin and he doubled over with laughter.

“God, your faces,” he wheezed, and God, he was a massive dork, Tyler realised. He was so fucked. “I'm sorry, it just never gets old. Here, I'll get some feed for her and you can feed her to apologise.”

They spent a good fifteen minutes feeding and petting Celeste, and Tyler admitted that yes, she was very soft. But it wasn't long before Jason was looking at his watch and saying they needed to get going if they wanted to stay on schedule.

“Do you want to come to SeaWorld with us?” Tyler asked suddenly, turning to Jamie as Jason ushered him back to the car. “We've got room in the back, it'd be fun.”

Jamie clicked his tongue and grimaced, scratched the back of his head. “I'd love to, but I have to work, um. Hey, I have. Here.” He thrust a card at Tyler, slightly bent at the edges.

“Jamie Benn, purveyor of alpacas and alpaca related goods,” Tyler read. Underneath was an email and a mobile number.

“You could call me, or something, sometime? If you wanted to.”

“Thanks,” Tyler smiled at him, pocketing the card. “I think I will.”


End file.
